Conversation leads to realization

Was randomly having a conversation with a friend and realized he observed a very unique point of me.

It's amazing how he knew that I tend to not share my problems with friends and even better, he even knew my friends don't ask me unless i open up to them.
Tbh, no one has ever tell that to me in my face without me asking them, so I find it amazing.
am I that obvious? My friends usually keep questioning me till I just get them to stop asking. LOL

We've only met like idk, 3-4 times and he found my weak point. =/
I still find it hard to trust someone and spill my problems to a person.. especially.. to guys..

But it's good to know that he tried and convince me to trust him and talk to him when I needed to talk to someone. :)
I appreciate the effort and will definitely take that into an account! :)

The thing about being a good listener.. we usually don't get listen to. which is sad, i'm still searching for someone that will listen to my problems. well. not like there isn't any that had offered.. It's just me being me with a dumb personality. xD

Also, i'm so used to having boys treat me as their BRO that it doesn't even feel weird anymore.
I was told to be more feminine. LOL.
Besides not applying make-up, i think i'm feminine?......
He was shocked to know that I actually wear skirts and dress, like WTF? how is that shocking? Do I look like a person that hates wearing skirt / dresses? speeeeechless.

To my soul mate, I hope that you stay healthy and cheerful again.
I will be back soon, if you're starving urself because u miss me, STOP IT AND FREAKING PIG IN YOUR FOOD. T_T
You're freaking causing me mood swings, and I HATE MOOD SWINGS. -.-

빛

i've finally found a way to release stress!
it just so happened FTISLAND had their comeback when I was having stress!
and all their new songs had a dark vibe but at the same time provided HOPE in the lyrics.
it's just soothing to listen and i'm not even saying this because i'm a fan. it's just in general!
their old songs were good but just not good enough.

Listening to FTISLAND songs makes me happy!
also playing basketball! I just realized how much stress I released through playing basketball!
I might not be a good player, but i'm satisfy. and to play with people that appreciates such skills makes me feel more comfortable :)

I love how i'm able to release stress just by bouncing and shooting the ball hard!
I'm pretty sure nobody realized but i've stopped posting certain updates of my life for quite awhile now. it's also one of the reason I get stress up. it might not be a big deal for some, but it's a big deal for me. and me being me, i prefer not to share it. cause no one can change anything hahahahaha!
Those that played basketball with me will probably think i'm having stress because of my dissertation. I prefer to keep it that way :D

it's all up to fate now, i'll just keep praying :D

THANK YOU FTISLAND for having this comeback during this time! The lyrics of some of the songs stroked straight to the heart. It helped me a lot :)

and to those that messaged me and got ignored. SORRY. I tend to do that a lot especially when i'm stress up. I would just not read it if i could.. but i'm human, i get curious! so i read and ignore. hahaha
If you feel bad, I sometimes ignore my mom's message too. so you're not the only one :)

Untitled

So much shit going on back at home.
I really don't wanna give a fuck about it but i don't have a choice.

FARK MAI LAIFE MAN. FARK IT.

Responsibility.

Haven been able to blog because housemate has been hanging in my room daily.
I'm so sick of having to face the same problem again and again.

We've gone through this conversation for endless times. and the results always turn out the same.
I don't get why she has to bring it up every time someone gets sick at home ):

They've been with us for years. In fact 2 out of the 4 have been with me for half of my life!
How the fuck you suppose to think I can let them go easily?
If they were the problem we shouldn't even have had them from the beginning!

She keeps saying that she loves them just as much but i'm pretty sure it isn't as much as I love them.
They are family to me. You can't ask me to pick between the two.

I won't be able to make that decision ):

Every time she mentions this, I get tense up. and this tension won't subside till I know that the damn topic has come to an end.

This is why I don't get too committed to anyone or anything. It's too hard to let go.

I WANT TO GET OVER WITH THIS ASAP. FUCKING COME TO A CONCLUSION. FML

Review: Schwarzkopf Cosmic Blue Live Color XXL

Finally took the initiative to dye my hair and decided to try this brand.
As for now, i'm satisfied with the results. I just hope it last long :)

Visually it will look like black with a really deep dark blue tone. I could tell the difference between black and blue black. :)

The thing i like about this hair dye is the smell of the hair dye. there's a very pleasant smell! Not like the hair dye's i smell in the saloon every time i get my hair dyed. :)

The conditioner that came in the box is also really good! My hair is really soft and silky compared to before.



The blue will only shine under sunlight or with the correct camera settings on flash mode.
to be specific, its a blue hue setting on my camera :)

the normal setting wouldn't work at all. at least for my camera.

overall i'm happy with the results but its not my ideal blue. I hope it fades to my ideal blue though. xD

Hope

To the person that I respect.


When I was young, i remembered you saying that I was mature for my age.
I didn't dress nor act like a kid even though I was young.
At that point, I was proud. And I respected you because not much people saw that in me at that point.
You reassured my mom that I will become someone when I grow up. :)

And now that you've hit rock bottom, I hope you don't give up!
I hope you find a way out of that dark side!
I have once respected you and I still respect you~
We might not be close, but i've always respected you deep inside :)
Your family will always be there for you. I hope you wake up and make up for your mistakes!
Make your parents proud! Don't disappoint them! It hurts them even more if you continue being in the state you are right now. It's not too late to wake up and sort things out.

Just make sure u understand that your family will always be there for you.
Don't feel embarrassed to open up to the people who trust you!

Paris: As a Tourist

I've finally granted my own wish of travelling alone! :D
Yes, although it wasn't completely alone but I did most of the travelling myself!
I absolutely love the feeling of being able to do sightseeing alone! :D

When i'm with friends, I usually let them decide and i would just follow along, so when they decide to leave, i'll just leave.
But when i'm travelling alone its a whole different story! I had to do all the research! Yes, i'll admit, i did got lost around Paris. HAHAHAHAHA. But its normal. I couldn't ask anyone knowing most of them probably don't understand english. xD

The good thing about travelling alone is that you won't have to rush. I didn't have to rush taking pictures nor wait up for people. It was all about me. I was able to take as much time as i want in one spot. :D

I accidentally ran into this beautiful cathedral! Growing up watching Hunchback of Notre-Dame over and over again. This building meant a lot! It brought back lots of memories from the past! Whether it was a good or bad.

If i ever come back again, i might pay and go inside the cathedral. it looked amazing in the cartoon. at least that's what I remember... hahaha

As much as I love travelling with my friends, I LOVE travelling alone. :D

The Pont Des Art Love bridge didn't look as beautiful as I was expecting it to though.. Maybe my expectation was just too high. hahaha OR maybe its bcause i'm single. LMAO.

I mainly went to Lovre Pyramid because of the structure and then i realize everybody was trying to touch tips with the pointy end. It was hilarious watching everyone taking picture with the same pose. I literally stood there for 10 mins just to watch ppl trying to touch tips with the pointy end. xD

But tbh, the building surrounding the pyramid watch so much more interesting imo.

After passing by this, I realized FTISLAND came here an hour later, they had a selfie with the same building.. which is sad. I COULD HAVE MET THEM. but oh well, its fate.

My next goal as a fan is to run into them when i'm outside, instead of stalking them from the back door of a concert venue xD

Overall, I gained a lot from this Paris trip as a fan and as a normal person! :D

I'm so happy I had this chance. 2 of my life goals were fulfilled during this trip!